Mothers Who Know Choose Rubies

So today is supposed to be "my special day," but when your two-year old wakes up at 4am hurling in her bed, down the hall, and then on our bed, it kinda takes the shine off Mother's Day. But honestly, I have fairly low expectations: I need to sleep in, get a funny card from Dave, and not have to cook. Gifts shmifts. The kids made me breakfast in bed, pictures and coupon books, and were cooperative during picture taking which for me, is the greatest gift of all. Jonah even made me Jib-Jab tribute: http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/share_view/8SlWGbfbyjgMGwQnKCCVZAfI
Dave stayed home with the puker, rotating laundry and giving her diet caffeine free coke in a bottle (her white trash dream come true) and the big kids and I went to church. While no one quoted the irritating ruby scripture (see below), I did have to hear about Sister Beck and "Mother's Who Know" which made me want to hurl. But all in all, it's been a fine, fine day and I'm happy to be my kids' Hobo Mama.

Here is something I wrote a few years back regarding this special day:

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there and to all of you who "mother" people you may or may not have given birth to.

Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that all moms are supposed to love but some secretly hate. I have friends who stay home from church on this day, fearing they’ll hear another talk about Supermoms who never get mad and bake 50 loaves of bread and go running before waking the family for scriptures and prayer every morning. For me, I dread that scripture about "her price being far above rubies" because I know my price is more in the neighborhood of the semi-precious stones. Take your amethyst, aquamarine, or garnets, for instance. Now those are jewels one can more easily live up to. Other daunting phrases include (but are not limited to): "God gave us mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere," and "Mothers are Angels on earth." Recently a friend said that I was a "really good mother" and I had to stop her. "No," I said. "I’m a really good writing teacher, a fine maker of Tollhouse cookies, but I am just an ‘okay’ mom. Good enough but not ‘good’ in the way that many moms are." I was not being self depreciating, just honestly assessing where I am in this whole parenting ladder. Truth be told, I'm more nurturing and longsuffering and "maternal" with my friends than I am with my kids. If one of my friends came over and carelessly spilled juice on the carpet I would never say, "Now look what you've done, you naughty girl!" Of course, unlike with my kids, I’ve never had a friend come over and get so engrossed with an activity that she forgets to relieve herself in the proper receptacle, but I'd like to think that if she did, I would be kind and utter non-shaming phrases like, "That's okay, I'm sure you'll make it to the potty next time" or "Don't worry, a few wipes and some baking soda will make that wet spot good as new!" But as a mother, I lack many of the skills I have in spades where my friends are concerned.

This is not to say I am a Bad Mom ala Brothers Grimm or Joan Crawford. I just have a tendency to use phrases like, "Don’t come crying to me if you break your neck trying to slide down the hall on a dish towel." And when Jonah does end up in a heap of tears and dish towels he replies, "I’m not crying to you, I’m crying to myself." When I hear this I console myself that I am getting through to him.

So whether you’re a ruby or Cubic Zirconia, a long sufferer or a screamer, a maker of fine baked goods or a purchaser of Hostess products, happy Mother’s Day, and let someone else do the dishes.